A new Beginning

Have you ever felt like your own skin doesn’t quite fit right? Lying to myself required more effort than I could have imagined. Growing up and constantly moving due to my father’s unstable job already made it hard for me to find my place. But struggling with my own identity was a whole different challenge.

I was born male, to parents who loved me. However, my older brother’s giftedness overshadowed me. Every school he attended, every teacher he met, recognized his brilliance. It felt like he was the golden child while I faded into the background. I used to feel close to my family, but as time went on, I felt distanced. My brother’s violent outbursts started to cast a shadow over our relationship. Strangely, my parents couldn’t see his violent tendencies, blinded by his academic achievements.

Leaving home felt like my only choice. My mother’s chronic illness weighed heavily on my dad, and my brother was studying abroad. I was alone in the apartment we shared. I visited my mom from a distance in the hospital before embarking on a journey to the countryside to honor my grandma’s memory. Couples passed me by as I headed to the bus stand, taking one of the last buses before Christmas break.

Talking to my grandma’s grave, I reflected on where everything had gone wrong. My brother’s brilliance led to bullying, escalating into violence due to mounting pressure. My only friend betrayed me, revealing my secrets and orchestrating my torment. I thought I could trust him, but he turned out to be just another person laughing at my misery. I had no reason to keep going. Love was no longer something I wanted, especially when my friends couldn’t be trusted.

A nudge interrupted my thoughts, and for a moment, I felt my grandma’s embrace. I remembered her warmth, her soft-spoken nature, and her humor. Fireflies danced around, and their beauty reminded me of the unconditional love my grandma gave. The serene moments with her flashed before my eyes.

Following the fireflies, I wandered through the dark woods until I stumbled into the lake. The fireflies led me, their delicate glow mesmerizing. In that moment, with the memory of my grandma’s love, it felt like I could accept whatever came next. Darkness surrounded me, and then, inexplicably, I woke up.

Voices surrounded me, urging me to wake up. Confused, I realized I was alive.

“Who saved me?”

The burly man chuckled, “I was passing by and saw you chasing fireflies. I half-expected you to fall in the lake, given your track record.”

I was alive. But everything felt different. The room, the man – nothing matched my memories. A thought surfaced, “I’m a girl?”

He laughed, “I know you’ve joked about wanting to be born a man, but don’t try jumping in a lake over it.”

Memory seemed to evade me. I needed more information about what was happening. “I can’t remember much. Maybe I swallowed too much water. Can you tell me who you are again? Where I am?”

His laughter faded as he looked at me, “I am Andy. You probably don’t know me; I am a local villager and was your grandma’s student. I was there to pay respects to your grandma, just like you. However, when I saw you follow the fireflies, I thought I should make sure you’re safe. That’s how I was able to save you before you drowned to death.”

His story made sense, as my grandma was loved by many within the village. However, the place felt antique; a mud house even within the countryside was unheard of. Not to mention the lack of any electrical appliances, candles on the window, which had no glass. It all felt rather strange. The strangest of all was that my body felt different. As I looked around, I started to realize that I was no longer a man.

“Am I not Dean?”

“What do you mean? I know you used to tell your grandma you wanted to be a man, but no. You are Diana. I can call you Dean if that makes you feel better.”

What felt stranger than my sudden discovery of the new situation was a person willing to overlook what was evident and accept my version of reality without doubt. It felt like I have been blessed by my grandma to a new life where I can finally start anew. I wanted to thank grandma.

“Hey Andy, do you mind taking me to my grandma’s grave again?”

“Sure, why don’t you rest up a little? We can eat lunch, then I’ll take you there,” he smiled.

The faint aroma of freshly baked bread wafted towards me, followed by the scent of a vegetable stew. I noticed a lack of any prominent spice aromas and began to wonder if Andy might be facing financial struggles. The raw scents of grass, trees, and the chorus of birdsong overwhelmed my senses. As I gazed through the window, I saw what appeared to be a primitive courtyard with a few hens and a rooster.

Curiosity propelled me outside, where I soon discovered that the village of my grandma, as I knew it, had vanished. No cell towers punctuated the skyline, no planes streaked through the sky. The absence of cell phones led me to entertain the whimsical notion that I might have been reincarnated, akin to those fantastical novels I’d read. In jest, I muttered “Stay-tasu,” half-expecting a status bar to materialize, displaying my magical abilities and mana levels.

“Say, Andy, do you know how to perform magic? Do you possess mana? Have you ever encountered mana stones?”

“Diana, did you hit your head when you were drowning? Magic doesn’t exist. What’s gotten into you?”

So, there was no magic. What then? How had I come to inhabit this body? Was there a divine entity responsible? And if so, why would they orchestrate such a change? Stepping away from Andy and the mud house, I gravitated toward a nearby pond, my reflection rippling in the water’s surface. As my fingers brushed my face, the realization washed over me – I looked almost identical, my height and facial features unchanged. I stood as tall as Andy, the very man who had appeared so towering from my bedside.

“Joseph, Jake, Julie, come inside for lunch. Your mother is calling. And Diana, please, join us for lunch.”

For the first time in what felt like ages, I was about to share a meal with other people. The prospect filled me with a rush of joy, spurring me to join them promptly.

“Can I help with anything?” I inquired.

“Of course. Could you please lay this mat on the floor?” Andy replied.

As I spread the strawed mat, a realization dawned upon me: their clothing appeared worn and tattered, in stark contrast to the relatively better state of my own attire. The question lingered: Why did my grandma also exist in this world? What might have transpired for such a connection to exist? And why was my name so eerily similar to my previous one?

“Sister Diana, can we play after we eat?” came the sweet request from the adorable little Julie. She couldn’t be more than five years old – utterly endearing. Her infectious smile left me no choice but to indulge her wish. I decided to postpone my visit to grandma’s grave until evening.

As I beheld the freshly baked bread, a subtle observation emerged: its texture was notably tougher, an indication that they likely lacked the abundance of oil or butter that I was accustomed to. I couldn’t help but envision how a loaf of brioche bread might astonish them. Yet, the act of sitting down with this loving family, though not my own, transformed the meal into a richer experience. I watched as the kids submerged their bread in the steaming soup, savoring its softening effect, their eagerness to return to play evident in their swift consumption. Andy’s soft-spoken wife directed her gaze toward me.

“Diana, it’s been some time since your last visit to the village. How’s the academy? Last we heard, you were attending the military academy with your older brother.”

Military academy? Why would I have any interest in warfare? What were they talking about?

“I’m not particularly fond of the idea of war. I missed my grandma dearly and came to honor her memory.”

“We’re glad you’re here. We miss your grandma too. Looking at you, we’re reminded of the fond memories we shared with her. You resemble her so much.”

It struck me as funny that I couldn’t even recall my own grandma’s face. Did she resemble me when she was my age? Could she have held the entire village under her spell? Her irresistible humor and boundless compassion made her the embodiment of kindness.

With conversation dwindling, I finished my meal in contemplative silence, thanked Andy’s wife, and headed out to play with Julie. She proposed a game of hide and seek, and I agreed to let her hide. I assumed she’d struggle to find a decent hiding spot.

“Julie, where are you? How did you manage to hide so well? Lend your clueless sister a hand – give me a hint!” I chuckled.

Amidst her laughter, I realized that the anticipation just before being found was often the most enjoyable part. I mimicked the same tactics for her. I approached closer, repeatedly asking where she could be, searching everywhere except her actual location. Our laughter echoed in tandem, impossible to ignore.

“Sis, you’re not very good at this. I was right in front of you, but you looked everywhere and couldn’t spot me,” she giggled wholeheartedly.

And now I saw where she got her laughter – a trait inherited from her father. Truly a unique quality to carry on. As our playtime concluded, it was time for me to visit grandma’s grave and express my gratitude for this new lease on life.

“Hey Andy, I’m ready now. Could you take me to my grandma’s grave?”

“Of course. Let’s take the scenic route and I’ll give you a tour of the village. You’ve been away for a while; let’s see if you recognize everything.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

My name is Diana, and I’ve spent my life in the kingdom of Salia, the daughter of Baron Avora. My father, a knight, fell in the ongoing war with Tiberia, and my mother’s sole wish was for both my brother and me to dedicate ourselves to avenging our father on the battlefield. But I lacked the aptitude for war, finding solace instead in observing the night sky, much like my grandmother did. The realization that my childhood friend had betrayed me, leaking my confidences and engineering my hardships, drove me away. I abandoned the military academy without attending the graduation ceremony, seeking refuge in the countryside at my grandmother’s grave. She was my only solace in a world that often felt harsh and unkind.

Throughout my life, I’d always felt a dissonance between my assigned gender and who I truly believed I was meant to be. I bound my chest tightly and embraced the opportunity to study alongside boys at the military academy. As I journeyed through the nights, it took me two days to reach the village. The familiar sights overwhelmed me.

“Grandma, though you can’t hear me, I cherish you. You’re the only one who truly accepted me. Standing here, broken and despondent, I bid farewell. The dreams we shared, the peace you yearned for, now seem like distant memories. The war persists, and with father gone, mother’s become even more distant.”

Tears streamed down my face as the evening turned to night. The beauty of the sunset felt heavy with sorrow. Amidst the darkness, fireflies danced, their allure beckoning me. Without a second thought, I followed them until I found myself drowning.

“Hey, are you feeling better now? You were in a terrible state last night,” the burly man’s voice rumbled.

“Where am I?”

“You’re in my home. I was visiting your grandma’s grave, as I do every week, and I saw you there. I wanted to talk to you, but I waited until you calmed down. But before I knew it, you were following the fireflies into the lake. I’m relieved I could save you.”

“I… I don’t recognize you.”

“I’m Andy, one of your grandma’s grateful students in the village. I’ve heard so much about you from her. She used to praise your cuteness and your dedication to your studies.”

Sitting up, I noticed my body felt different. The familiar binding around my chest was absent, and a newfound sensation settled over me.

“When did I become a man?”

“Dean, your grandma often mentioned your desire not to be a man. It’s surprising that your own reality still caught you off guard.”

I had become a man? A lifelong wish for my body to match my identity had been granted. Why did this happen? Was some higher power intervening? How had I awakened in this strange world? The sturdy concrete structure of his home hinted at affluence. Such intricate design was typically the domain of nobles. It was curious that I hadn’t noticed a person of such means living in the village.

“Here, have this drink and sandwich. You need sustenance to recover.”

Where did he get these lavish items? The drink looked costly, and the sandwich featured meat and soft, expensive-looking bread.

“This is delicious. Are you sure about treating me to such luxuries?”

“Relax, I could afford this much. I bought you the sandwich from the convenience store. I live alone, so I don’t cook much.” His laughter filled the room.

I pondered my situation, feeling the comfort of the bed beneath me. Despite his description, this felt like the dwelling of a high noble. As far as I could discern, I was no longer in my own body, nor the world I knew. This world was far more advanced than anything I had encountered. Even the Triak kingdom, detailed in my military academy readings, paled in comparison to this opulence. Illumination during the night, ready access to quality food, it all pointed to a different reality. Yet, amidst the marvels, the most bewildering aspect was the presence of my grandmother. I did come to her grave, and this man’s awareness of the event solidified my belief. I must be in an alternate reality, born as a man. The concept of the entire world benefiting from such a change was amusing. However, I realized it was likely just coincidence that I found myself as a man in this prosperous kingdom. With my lifelong wish fulfilled, I resolved to train my new body and pursue my dream of becoming a high-ranking military officer.

“Hey, Andy, how far is the military academy from here? I need to make it back for my graduation ceremony.”

“Dean, based on your age, you’ve just graduated from high school. What military academy are you talking about? You’ve always been against violence.”

“Ah, I see. In that case, I need to get back to school.”

“School’s out, and you won’t make it back in time for any graduation. Buses from here to the city aren’t that frequent.”

Odd names, these buses must be carriages. Why would I need a carriage when I can simply walk? As a seasoned soldier, I’m sure I can cover any distance a horse can traverse.

“I’ll walk then. Can you provide me with directions?”

“On my watch, you won’t be walking for a week to reach the city. I’ll get you on the first bus back, but for now, rest and relax. Want to join me in watching some TV?”

As he turned on the peculiar device, my thoughts delved deep into my drastically altered surroundings. I contemplated the vast amount I needed to learn to function effectively in this new world.

“Andy, I’m considering becoming a soldier. Could you tell me more about life in the village and life as a soldier? You seem strong, so I assume you have military experience.”

“I’m impressed you picked up on that!” he chuckled.

“I’ve been in the army for the past 12 years, and I could talk for days about my experiences—the good and the bad. I’m sure you don’t want to hear it all.”

“Actually, Andy, I’m eager to learn. With no way to return at the moment and little else to do, time is all I’ve got.” I smiled.

He took a deep breath and began recounting tales of his army days, explaining aspects that piqued my curiosity. At times, he seemed surprised by my lack of knowledge, only for me to suddenly recall details he described as if I’d lived through them. Those memories made it easier to follow Andy’s explanations and quickly grasp my new reality. He talked for hours, and during meals, we ventured to the market or what he referred to as the convenience store. We’d return to eat and converse for hours.

“Dean, I’ve been living alone here for a year now, except for my weekly visits to your grandmother’s grave. There hasn’t been much to fill my days. Talking to you like this is a blessing.”

“Andy, I’m also happy. Learning the ways of a soldier from a true veteran is an honor.”

He smiled, and our discussions continued for days on end. Finally, we mapped out how I’d go about joining the army, just as he had. Our conversations spanned life’s spectrum, from first loves to everything in between.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───